


Prism

by HadenXCharm



Series: Blinding [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, F/M, Injury Recovery, M/M, Mentions of Death, Post-Surgery, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 09:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3406208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HadenXCharm/pseuds/HadenXCharm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A transparent optical element with flat polished surfaces that reflect a thousand different colors of the same light... the same life. Had Yumichika been saved, had Renji and Ichigo survived, would Ikkaku's life have been any better? He's starting to wonder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was happening again.

His mind had lost track of time, and it had seemed like a moment after he and Yumichika had left the graveyard together to find the post office, Ikkaku's dimension shifted and fast-forwarded, allowing him a glimpse of the rest of his life without letting him live it. He assumed that this was what Yumichika's ghost had meant about him having a hard time holding onto his memories, as if he'd awoken from a dream and was desperately holding onto whatever he could.

He'd died, old and surrounded by his children, having fixed everything that had gone wrong in his first life and had lived as happy a life as he could've hoped for. Ikkaku saw it like it was a video tape of someone else's life, still retaining the consciousness of a twenty-eight year old man who had lost his only love in a car wreck and had found out he had another chance. In that life, he'd forgotten his spiritual awareness and had let everything slip, and here he was again, reminded of what he'd lost.

Something that bothered him was to see what had happened to his friends. It had been such a shame that Renji and Ichigo hadn't made it out of that housefire, and his one regret was not making the idiot leave that place before it had been too late, but it wasn't as if he had control over that now. He'd done a lot of thinking, and had realized that by being thrown back into his old life, he hadn't traveled back in time at all, rather his consciousness had traveled through space. All that had happened was that he'd remembered another of his lives, which had allowed him a chance to alter his reality, and now it was happening again. History wanted him to repeat a certain moment and change it again in another way.

All he could do was try to cling to his soul and drag his awareness with him as he left his earthly body yet again. He wanted to actually  _live_  this time, instead of just viewing the consequences like a bystander.

Some sort of shock ran through him as his soul slipped back into his body, which seemed the same as before, young and fresh. He jolted back to awareness, and it seemed like only a moment ago he'd been letting a ghost pull out his soul and follow him into death. Just a few days ago, he had purchased a music box and sat by his friend's grave, he had moved to the town and started a grotesque line of work. It was all still so fresh, as if that whole extra life had taken up only a second of his mind's time. He was already starting to forget what his do-over had been like, the faces and names of his children fading away, only thinking of his original life and what he was supposed to fix. Yumichika. Yumichika's death. This was the climax of his life and he was here again to change something.

There he was again, breathing heavily and staring at those fucking bushes that he had to replant  _again._ The universe had brought him back to this day, and the prospect of starting anew with Yumichika alive was exciting to Ikkaku. He would have a whole lifetime to enjoy Yumichika, who was still young and unchanged throughout all of this. He had the rest of his life to build a friendship and get to know him all over again. He had another chance to fall in love. He had another chance to see that pretty face before it had been warped by death and the hardships of being a ghost.

He had been given future knowledge, and he would not let that go to waste.

Ikkaku wiped his brow, taking a slow breath and a moment to relax, just enjoying the feeling of being back on earth, even though he'd only been gone a moment. Sixty years had passed in the blink of an eye, and suddenly it dawned on him just how much time he had. There  _was_  no time - if things were to keep happening in this way - and therefore, he was living in 'forever'. What was the rush?

Man, he loved that cooling breeze, the grey skies and the green trees that peppered the town. It smelled like moist earth and summer flowers, and the streets were perfectly shaded to balance against the humidity. Even the crows were docile, landing on the wrought-iron posts nearby and looking at him as if he had something for them.

After whistling a little tune and leaning against the fence, Ikkaku glanced down at his watch. It was four- wait,  _four o' clock?_

"Oh shit," Ikkaku said, heart dropping, his serene attitude fleeing as mortal fear overtook him again. Forgetting everything else, he ditched his work supplies and sprinted across the street, diving across some poor citizen's hood as they drove a mere fifteen miles an hour.

"Sorry!" he shouted, frantic as he ran back to where he knew Yumichika had been hit. He'd been dropped back into this life, back into this reality, back into this  _day_ , but only minutes too late to prevent the accident. Yumichika had already been run over; he'd already been hit, pulverized, torn to pieces, and he was dying somewhere.

Oh god, please let him not be too late. He couldn't live with the guilt if Yumichika were to die again because of him.

Halfway over there, Ikkaku remembered that the collision had happened maybe at three or three thirty. Half an hour had passed since the accident. If Yumichika was still laying at the scene, then he'd already be dead, but someone had probably called nine-one-one, right? He shouldn't head to the intersection where the accident had occurred; he had to get to the _hospital_.

Immediately, he stopped dead in his tracks, doing a panicked little dance as he looked around desperately for a clue as to where he should go. Where the frick  _was_  the hospital?

He vaguely remembered that the newspaper had shown Yumichika's cause of death and the signature of a doctor; maybe the name of the clinic was there too. After scaring a paper-boy half to death trying to get directions, Ikkaku abandoned the kid in favor of grabbing someone he recognized in the parking lot of a nearby mini-mart.

"Kaa!" he shouted, tackling the guy in his frenzy.

"Woah! Uhh," Kaa muttered, staring at him, perhaps feeling bad that he didn't know or remember his name. Ikkaku remembered that he wasn't supposed to know who he was and that there was no earthly way he could know about Yumichika's passing or the accident beforehand, but damnit, he didn't care. There was no time to explain, there  _was no time._

"We've gotta' go to the hospital right now, Yumichika got hit by a car!"

"What? Who are you? How do you kn-"

"No time! Do you want him to die? He got  _run over!_ Do you think you can drive fast?" Ikkaku asked, dragging Kaa back across the parking lot to the car he'd just gotten out of.

"Uh, yeah, but-"

"Good, c'mon!"

Kaa started to panic a little too, seeming to believe him because he was so upset and insistent that Yumichika had been hurt. Luckily, the cops were on their donut break so they didn't see them speeding probably thirty to forty miles over the speed limit, pulling into the nearly-empty lot of the small hospital and throwing the car into park, not even caring if it was in a designated parking spot or not.

Ikkaku burst through the doors of the emergency wing, asking the receptionist if a man had come in with injuries from getting hit by a car. She was pale in the face and seemed to wonder how he could know that if he wasn't the person who had run him over, but she nodded all the same. Kaa was stricken, asking several times if they were serious and if it was really  _Yumichika_ they were talking about.

Ikkaku was seriously close to crying because he knew that they would be too late. He didn't know what had happened last time, whether Yumichika hadn't gotten an ambulance in time, or if no one had called the hospital to help him, or whether he'd died before getting there. There was nothing they could do, right? He couldn't change what had happened. He didn't have control over these events, but he could still-

"Oh god," Kaa gasped, hands clapping over his face as his body clenched up. He bit his lip and turned away a little, pacing. "Shit, shit,  _shit,_  he's dying, right? Fuck," he choked out, breaking down and flopping into a chair, freaking out. Meanwhile, Ikkaku practically dove over the desk, grabbing the poor girl by the shoulders and shaking her. None of these people got that he  _wasn't_  overreacting, but he didn't have time to explain. He knew one hundred percent that Yumichika had no chance if they didn't do something different.

Things hadn't been like this in his other do-over. Last time, Yumichika hadn't died. He'd changed things  _beforehand_  and hadn't had to deal with this. Ikkaku felt helpless; he didn't know what to do.

"What, what does he need? A blood donation? Insurance?  _What?!_ Tell me, or he's gonna' die!" He probably almost gave her a heart attack, but still she managed to speak back that they didn't know Yumichika's blood type since he'd only recently moved here. They didn't have a copy of his medical records, and besides that, they were low on blood donations.

Kaa suddenly jolted up, hope returning. "I have type O. Please, this is my fiance! Let me donate, please!"

"Yeah!" Ikkaku said, concerned and worried that they would run out of time. This place was so small that they probably didn't have enough people or resources, and besides that, in such a peaceful town, they probably didn't get a lot of cases like this. They weren't prepared, and the workers probably hadn't gotten any experience with horrible accidents such as these, but the nurse's face still went steely as she nodded in agreement.

"Of course, let's hurry."


	2. Chapter 2

"I was too slow," Ikkaku murmured, stroking Yumichika's knuckles, which were cold; not in death, of course, but nearly so. "I'm real sorry, buddy," he said to Kaa, whose face was paler by far than the yogurt that was waiting for Yumichika when he awoke.

They sat on either side of his hospital bed, and at that moment, Ikkaku was reminded of Yumichika's funeral.

Yumichika was still so beautiful, even wounded like this. His hair was like his favorite keys of the piano, his skin was like broken eggshells, and his lips were as pink as the inside of a clam. His chest rose in the rhythm of gentle ocean waves, and the insides of his elbows were peppered with needle-marks like eggnog spiced with nutmeg. His eyes, though closed, would've revealed a deep dulcet color that hardly anything in nature could match. His face was as marred as it had been when he had risen from his grave as a zombie, but Ikkaku still felt that his beauty was beyond compare, because Yumichika was  _alive._

"Why are you sorry, anyway," Kaa muttered, wiping his eyes and nose with a tissue, sniffling. Ikkaku had to admit that the man was really handsome and he looked like he took serious care of his appearance. What else would he expect from a man Yumichika was going to marry? That being said, it was rather alarming to see Kaa so torn apart like this, eyes leaky and hair a mess. Still, it was a far cry from seeing Kaa at Yumichika's funeral. Ikkaku truly didn't want Kaa's eyes to reflect even a ghost of the sorrow they'd held then.

"I mean, it's not like  _you_  ran him over, huh?" Kaa laughed a little bit, eyes still streaming as he held Yumichika's other hand. The guy was seriously a wreck, face red and puffy, voice warped. His dyed hair and his designer jacket seemed out of place, and the sunglasses clipped to his shirt were there despite the dull weather. His hair seemed to be the only bright color in the entire building. The guy looked like he'd walked straight off of a billboard, but Ikkaku could still see his hands shaking and the pain on his visage.

"Right," Ikkaku mumbled, still feeling that if he'd been quicker, maybe Yumichika wouldn't have gotten hurt. He kept forgetting that he shouldn't have known about the car crash beforehand, and that no one else knew that. He was all alone here, the only thing that had changed in this layer of reality.

Yumichika was beat up, but the important thing was that he was alive and still had all his limbs attached.

He'd gotten cut up pretty badly and had broken a few ribs. The car had been old, and there had been a few cracks compromising the windshield, so even though it had been driving relatively slowly, Yumichika's weight had been enough to break it.

Ikkaku kept imagining it in slow motion, the  _sound_ and the jolt of Yumichika's body as he was hit, flying up the hood and smashing straight through the windshield. His upper shoulder and his neck had been sliced right open and his cheek had needed stitches. His jeans had protected his legs pretty well, but he still had small cuts and large bruises all over his torso and his back especially.

Cotton was taped onto his face over the stitches, and luckily his eyes hadn't been hurt at all. He'd lost a lot of blood and had needed a defibrillator used twice, but he'd pulled through. He'd been sleeping after his emergency surgeries ever since. Kaa had been donating blood continuously to help the clinic out, even though he'd become anemic because of it.

Ikkaku had called Renji in a fit of boredom, talking to him for a while and letting him know what was going on. Renji was pretty concerned and was supposed to arrive in town tomorrow. Ikkaku thought about giving him a heads up that he was going to meet up with Ichigo at his new job, but he decided to let it remain a surprise.

"Uh, so," Kaa said awkwardly. Ikkaku looked up to him and his tear-stained face. It was hard to hate the guy, even though he and Yumichika were supposed to be getting married soon. Ikkaku didn't have the  _right_  to be jealous, because Kaa had been there first. "Uh… Who are you, exactly?" he asked somewhat rudely.

Ikkaku took a breath to answer, but Kaa seemed to feel bad about being so blunt. "Oh, that was mean… I just- You seem cool and everything, and I'm glad you showed up and that you cared about Yumichika being hurt, but is it okay if I ask how you guys know each other? He's never mentioned you."

"We met in high school," Ikkaku said blandly, even though that last bit had stung a little. He didn't elaborate further, knowing that Kaa was digging to see whether he had a crush on Yumichika. He wasn't gonna' tell him that. He could figure it out for himself if he'd seen how messed up he'd gotten when he'd thought Yumichika was going to die. "I care about him, and… well, just… calm down a little. It's not like I can steal him away, right? You guys are engaged."

"Heh, yeah," Kaa answered, but he wasn't smug about it, which was nice. The guy just smiled, suspicious mood lifting as he wiped his nose on his forearm. "You're all right, man. I really gotta' thank you."

"Nah, nah-" Ikkaku tried to brush it off.

"No, seriously." Kaa reached over the bed and put a hand on his shoulder. "He'd be dead if you hadn't dragged me out here. Thank you."

"You can thank me when he wakes up and chews us out for letting his face get scratched." Kaa started snickering and Ikkaku laughed too, because they both knew that he would do exactly that. After a few silent minutes of letting their smiles fade as they looked at Yumichika's sleeping face, Kaa spoke up again.

"You don't think he'll be that upset, will he? I hope he won't be sad… Aw man, you're right," Kaa said, putting his face in his free hand, running it through his hair and messing it up. "Shit, that won't be good for his career, and... Ugh, he'll be so disappointed. This means he's gonna' have a scar in our wedding photos."

"He'll be beautiful," Ikkaku said confidently, still holding Yumichika's hand, causing Kaa to look up in surprise. Then Kaa smiled, looking back at Yumichika fondly.

"Yeah… you're right." Yumichika's hand suddenly twitched in Ikkaku's grasp.

"Nn," Yumichika mumbled, blinking sleepily, face immediately scrunching up in pain. "Wh- Aaah," he moaned, face screwed up so much that Ikkaku thought he might tear his stitches. Yumichika tried to say something, but it came out completely mucked up. As soon as he got control of his mouth, he started cussing his little heart out, complaining about how much everything hurt and that their ugly faces were the last thing he'd wanted to see when he'd woken up.

Ikkaku could've kissed him right there.

"Oh, woah, calm down, babe," Kaa said with one of those voices people use when they're surprised and guilty that someone had been hurt, even if it was someone they hate. "Ya' want some water? What hurts, Yum-Yum?" Ikkaku mock-gagged at the stupid name, but Kaa didn't pay him any attention.

"Everything," Yumichika whined pitifully, starting to cry because he hurt so bad. Ikkaku let go of his hand when Yumichika tried to feel his face. He ended up smacking himself in the eye, which made Kaa grab his hand and take it back down. "What's on my face?" Yumichika asked, teeth gritted, which only served to stretch his stitches further. Ikkaku patted a napkin on Yumichika's eyes, wiping away the pained tears.

"It's a bandage. You had ta' get stitches," Kaa explained gently, running a hand down Yumichika's cheek and through his hair, so tender and soft that Ikkaku didn't think he'd be able to match it.

"Stitches?" Yumichika asked quickly in shock, "on my  _face?"_

"You got hit by a car."

"Drunk driver," Ikkaku mumbled.

Yumichika gasped in horror. "Oh no, my face got cut?" Kaa bit his lip, but nodded. Yumichika lay there in shock with a stricken expression for a whole minute, not moving or responding to them. Ikkaku tried waving a hand in front of his face, but Kaa just pushed him away, taking Yumichika's shoulders.

"Yumichika… Hello?" Kaa put an ear to his forehead for some reason, like he was listening for thoughts. "Bubblegum? Are you okay? Ya' need a mirror?"  _That_  woke Yumichika up.

Kaa had a little mirror in his pocket, but Ikkaku noticed that there were camouflage stickers that were a poor attempt at making it look tougher. "Here," Kaa deliberately put it in Yumichika's hands, helping him hold it at the right angle. They were lucky that Yumichika had those bandages on, because Yumichika probably would've thrown a complete tantrum if he'd seen his facial wound. Ikkaku and Kaa actually didn't know what it looked like yet, either, but they assumed that it was bad. Ikkaku had seen it before when it had been an open gouge on a corpse's face, but he expected that it wouldn't look nearly as gruesome now. The nurse had told them that the cut was clean and that the stitches had gone in like a dream, so the scarring wouldn't be _too_  bad, but…

Yumichika began spiraling into depression, but Kaa shook him out of it, being quite cheery and visibly grateful that Yumichika had survived. "Hey, don't be so grey, honey. Smile a little. You're alive."

"I'm alive," Yumichika repeated dully, and then again softly with a strange look in his eyes, and for a moment Ikkaku had to wonder… did he?… No, it couldn't be.

Kaa shook his head, taking Yumichika's hand, biting his lip. He gave a little sigh, shaking his head desperately. "Oh my god, I'm so glad you're okay, I hate you, don't ever do this again, I'll kill you, I swear I'll kill you, I love you, oh my god," he said in one long breath, hugging Yumichika tight, practically climbing on the bed.

"OW!" Yumichika screamed, causing a nurse to bust into the room and give him his pain medicine. Kaa got swatted with her clipboard, but not by her. Yumichika swiped it and hit him in the face. "Your bedside manner is  _shit!"_

"Yeah, take some advice from me," Ikkaku muttered. Yumichika stared at him for a minute, a finger pointed, mouth open as if the joke took a couple seconds. Then he started laughing hysterically and saying 'owch' over and over as his stomach curled up and his cheek tugged at the stitches, but he kept laughing. Kaa was grinning a little in confusion, glad that Yumichika had been brought out of his mood, but not getting the joke.

When Yumichika could finally breathe again, he told his fiance that it was because Ikkaku worked at a funeral parlor, so his bedside manner was probably good… because of the dead people.

"Tss'," Kaa laughed, appreciating the dark humor.

"Glad you're back," Ikkaku mumbled with a grimace, patting Yumichika's hand. Yumichika gave him the strangest look, and Ikkaku suddenly remembered that this wasn't  _his_  Yumichika. This was the past Yumichika that hadn't fallen in love with him or sweetly haunted him as a ghost. Yumichika knew nothing of those times they'd shared or how they'd bonded. Yumichika probably was wondering why on earth he was here or why he'd been holding his hand when he'd awoken. They were strangers again.

Ikkaku was all alone.

"Really, I am," he whispered, and he meant it, despite the heartache it caused. He should probably just go home to his lonely apartment and get some sleep.

Yumichika smiled at him. "Me too." Ikkaku's chest tightened up all of a sudden, and he felt a strong urge to burst into tears.

Ikkaku knew he wouldn't be able to stay without the risk of getting weird suspicious looks from Kaa, but he came to visit multiple times per day, rushing through his work for the first time ever, because he finally had something to do. In a strange stroke of good luck, neither Kaa nor Yumichika mentioned that his presence was strange, even though they were technically strangers again, and they seemed to enjoy his company, so Ikkaku kept coming. They played 'Go Fish' and told internet knock-knock jokes for hours, and they even sang stupid songs with loopy-Yumichika at three in the morning when he was high on his pain meds and couldn't get to sleep.

He was starting to settle down, almost forgetting about his luck-curse and the misfortune it could bring if he got too comfortable. As long as he could, he enjoyed the company. He didn't truly enjoy being alone all the time with only the dead for company. It was nice to have friends, even if those two people would only occupy his world for such a short time. This place would be their vacation home, and soon enough they would go off and get married, enjoying their fame and the spice of their love affair. Ikkaku hoped they would send him pictures if they traveled on their honeymoon. Even if it was pathetic to try to live vicariously, Ikkaku wished that he could share even a piece of their happiness. Truly, he was glad that they were together. It was a small price to pay if both of them would live on.

When the nurse told them that Yumichika could be released next week, Ikkaku went home with a grin on his face, enjoying the glow that seemed to be coming out of his heart. He'd fixed everything, and he didn't feel any sort of regret about it, even though it meant that his love was in another's arms. He really was happy. This was what he wanted, for Yumichika to have the dreams that he'd lost. Everything was okay now.

As he walked home to his apartment, he enjoyed the rare glimpse of the sky where he could see it. It was a clear night for once, the clouds having parted, and in the small openings between the tree leaves, he could see a dazzling night sky free from light pollution. He'd never seen anything like it in the city. The stars were absolutely beautiful.

The skyline was dark, except for an area in the east, perhaps where the sun had set. The sky over there was glowing orange, and clouds in the fading sunlight were glowing… No, that couldn't be, because the sun set in the  _west._

Ikkaku walked down to the end of the street, looking back to the house on the hill.

"Oh my god," he moaned, a hand over his mouth. He'd completely forgotten. "It's on fire."


	3. Chapter 3

The last thing Ichigo remembered was going to sleep, surrounded by smoke, face slick with tears, and when he awoke, he was sure that he was dead.

He just lay there in a daze, still vaguely feeling Renji's motionless body trapped beneath him. It was so hot, too hot to breathe, and anything that he could hear was muffled and spacey, sounding similar to being underwater.

His eyes were red and were running and blinking rapidly, and he didn't have the strength to move. Everything was so blurry, and he felt like his ears were stuffed with cotton. Suddenly, light started to penetrate the dark closet that they were shut in, and it should have caused Ichigo alarm, but it didn't. He was so tired. The next thing he knew, he distantly recognized that there was a firefighter hacking the door apart.

Everything after that was a blur, being carried out of the house, put on stretchers, and loaded into an ambulance. Ichigo's head flopped to the side, and he didn't have the sense of mind to answer the paramedic who was putting a mask over his face and asking him if he was okay. All he could hear was white noise, and he could still hardly see either. He blinked against his wet irritated eyes, vaguely making out the form of Renji, who was on another stretcher near him. As they were lifted into the car, Ichigo tried to move, accidentally hitting himself in the face.

The nurse turned his head towards her and asked in a slow clear voice if he could hear her. Ichigo's eyes just searched for Renji, seeing the other paramedics crowding around him, doing compressions on his chest. Was Renji going to make it? He'd been shot, and they'd already wasted so much time. He might already be dead.

Renji wasn't moving, and Ichigo was sure that he was already gone. Ichigo began to cry again weakly, sniffling, unable to wipe his face with the gas mask on. He wasn't coordinated enough at the moment to do so anyways. He wished that he hadn't woken up. He wished that he had stayed unconscious and had died there with Renji. He hadn't wanted to awaken to this pain. He didn't want to walk out of the hospital alone.

All of a sudden, as if water had finally started leaking out of his ears, his hearing sharpened along with a dull headache.

Her words started making sense to him, and he tried to answer her, making a noise that took him a moment to realize belonged to him.

"I'm fime," he said with difficulty, reaching a hand out, touching a man's back, trying to move him so he could see Renji, whose eyes were shut. He was so pale, and his shirt was more red than white. He wasn't moving at all.

"Wa'e up," Ichigo said weakly, starting a coughing fit, breath rattling in his chest. The last thing he thought before his eyes closed was that they might've been rescued only minutes too late.

* * *

Ichigo's eyes flew open and he gasped hard when he realized someone was leaning over him. He startled violently, shoving them away as he began to cough like crazy, madly scrambling at his face to try to get whatever was in his mouth  _out._

Once he got himself going, the coughing wouldn't stop, and soon he found that someone was helping him sit, patting his back. As reality began to rush back to him, his eyes blinked, still red and raw, rather numb from what he assumed were protective eye drops. With every second that passed, a horrible reality that he was trying desperately to deny was pressing down on him from all sides.

He looked around him, seeing that he was in the small hospital wing of Drake's Glen, that of which he'd seen the inside of a few times when Grimmjow had gotten out of control. Grimmjow wasn't in his usual place next to his bed, snoozing in a chair, however, and reality rushed back to Ichigo alarmingly quickly. Grimmjow was gone. Aizen's headquarters had burned down. The Espada would likely be scattered for a few days, and then they would come for him.

His heart began throbbing in pain as everything came back to him. Grimmjow had never had an opportunity to be jealous before. Sure, Ichigo had written down things about Renji before when Grimmjow had asked, but Grimmjow had never reacted badly, like he had when he'd confronted Renji for the first time. It seemed that Grimmjow had somehow made the connection that their new gardener was Ichigo's past lover, the one he'd sacrificed his freedom for.

Ichigo's heart ached. He did have fond feelings for Grimmjow, and he hoped that he'd survived, but that didn't douse the bitter hatred he felt when he'd realized that Grimmjow had  _shot..._

Ichigo's head snapped around, looking around the room to the other beds. His breathing began to speed up and his heart rate spiked as he quickly realized that he was alone. The beds on either side of him were empty, and he knew that it could only mean that Renji hadn't made it. Grimmjow had killed him.

He gave a rough cough of shock, face crumpling, hands held numbly in front of him. The nurse was rubbing his back and soothingly telling him what had happened and where he was, but he wasn't listening, thinking only of the man who had wrestled with him and tickled him until he fell asleep, the man who had called him casual sweet names and who had grinned at him enthusiastically as he told him stories about crimes he'd commited. That man had  _killed_  the love of his life.

For all this time, he'd lived in this horror, and maybe he'd been naive, thinking that Grimmjow wouldn't hurt Renji were they ever to meet. He knew that Grimmjow had killed people. He knew that Grimmjow had done horrible things. He worked for a crime lord for god's sake, but maybe Ichigo hadn't ever paired that image of the cold violent Grimmjow with the one who slept next to him at night. He had love for Grimmjow; he still did, but it would never overshadow the unsurpassed love he had for Renji. Because of Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Renji was  _dead._

Ichigo would never forgive him.

When the nurse mentioned his 'friend', he violently snapped awake, grabbing her arm. For the first time in his life, he made an exception and threw away his pride, talking out loud. He didn't care how stupid he sounded, because he wanted answers.  _Fuck_ his dignity.

"Abarai Remvi, Where iv he? P'ease," he begged, repeating Renji's name over and over, wanting to at least know if he could leave the hospital in time to go to his funeral. He had to know where Renji was buried or he'd never be able to get over this, although he didn't know if that would soothe his pain either. Looking at his mother's gravestone had only ever made him feel hollow inside, and he didn't know if looking at Renji's would be any different.

His sacrifice had all been for naught. Renji had died all the same, and it had only been delayed for a few years because of the deal Ichigo had made. Right now, Ichigo wished that the firemen would have left them and that he had smothered along with Renji. That way, Renji's stupid sacrifice would've been in vain too, and they both would be dead together.

He tried to speak, but he began coughing again, throat hurting so badly from what the smoke had done to it. The nurse was trying to get his oxygen mask back on in the proper place, and Ichigo gagged when he realized he had tubes going down his throat through his nose. He said Renji's name again brokenly, giving a weak sob, lip quivering.

That had been what had kept him going every day of those three years that he'd been in servitude to the men who had once been planning on killing his love. That had been what kept him strong every single night Grimmjow got on top of him. The thought that Renji was out there alive somewhere had made it all worth it, and now that Renji was gone, all of Ichigo's suffering had been for nothing.

He'd done everything. He'd sacrificed his safety and his ability to speak so that Renji would survive, but that hadn't done a thing. Ichigo had lost his only love. Renji was dead.

The heart-pain started getting worse, and he started pounding his fists on the bed, face screwing up tighter. He shouted that it wasn't fair and that he hated Renji for leaving him like this, but everything that came out of his mouth was just a messed up jumble. He didn't care, throwing a tantrum, kicking his legs under the crisp sheets. Trying to speak like this just sent him into fits of coughing again. He started hearing a voice that sounded vaguely like Renji's telling him that he was fine, but he didn't see Renji and he knew he was just imagining it.

The nurse tapped on his shoulder and got down next to him, pointing so he could follow her line of vision. He blinked rapidly. Damn, his eyes were so sore and they just wouldn't stop watering. He blinked a few more times, vision clearing a little, and he could see another nurse from the inside of a medical curtain, which had been pulled around a corner of the room, a patient obviously inside. Ichigo hadn't noticed the shutter because it was the same color as the wall, his blurry vision allowing him to easily pass over it. The other nurse gave a little wave, moving back to reveal that Renji was laying on the bed.

Ichigo reflexively let out a relieved breath, which caused him to go into another coughing fit. The nurse near his bed kept trying to push him back down, but he kept getting right back up, leaning around her a few different ways to try to see how Renji looked. He seemed to be asleep, or just lying very still.

Renji was above the covers, not wearing a shirt, and when the nurse moved the curtain back, Ichigo assumed that they were helping him use the bathroom or were changing the clothes that had been damaged when he'd bled into them.

After about half an hour of listening to Renji's labored breathing, which was so noisy and rattley that Ichigo could hear it from that distance, the curtain drew back and a few of the nurses put Renji on a gurney and wheeled him over into a bed next to Ichigo, getting him situated in it. They thought it would be good for their only two patients to socialize, even if neither of them would be able to talk very much.

Ichigo sat up in bed, ignoring a nurse when she told him to lie back down. Renji looked a step away from death. He was literally grey in the face, and seemed very frail and fragile, which alarmed Ichigo greatly. He'd been  _shot_  after all, and had probably gone through major invasive surgeries. He'd had that open wound for a long time before they'd finally been rescued. Ichigo was amazed and thrilled that he was alive, unable to thank the nurses for bringing him to the bed next to his, but he still smiled widely, trying to tell them that way.

Renji weakly tried to tell Ichigo to lay down when the nurse started to forcibly push him down. Ichigo shook his head stubbornly, lips clamped shut again now that he'd gotten control of his anguish and relief. Renji told him to lay down again, starting to cough, which hurt him so badly that he looked like he was going to cry. Ichigo immediately lay down, feeling bad when he heard Renji give a moan of pain after he finally ceased with wheezing. Coughing probably jerked his bullet wound, not to mention that he probably had one hell of a sore throat. Ichigo knew that had to really hurt.

Ichigo frowned in apology, eyebrows scrunching up in concern, but he didn't sit up again, hands fiddling around and clenching the sheets tight. His expression read, ' _I'm sorry, are you okay?'_

"t's okay," Renji said in a raspy whisper as the medics hooked him back up to a heart monitor. Renji had apparently been more exposed to the smoke than Ichigo, who had been locked in a room for most of the time while Renji had been walking around the house looking for him, breathing all those toxins. They needed to watch his vital signs carefully, because he was at high risk for a multitude of bad things.

Watching Renji lay there so still and quiet, Ichigo suddenly realized that they might lose Renji tonight. Even though he'd pulled through initially, he still might not make it. His body could go into shock and just shut down on him, he could get an infection, necrosis, carbon monoxide poisoning, lung cancer, or a bunch of other stuff. Ichigo sincerely hoped that they wouldn't be burying Renji tomorrow.

After a few minutes, Ichigo calmed down a bit, getting a really bad headache and fullblown nausea, but he didn't complain - never mind that he couldn't - settling back into the endless silence that he'd lived in for the past three years. As the nurses finally retreated from Renji for the most part, one came over to him and propped him up with a pillow, giving him a cup of water.

Ichigo held it with shaky hands, blood sugar extremely low. He couldn't actually remember the last time he'd eaten. It was almost funny, how weak he was in comparison to his old self. He tried to take a drink, the cool water soothing his mouth and throat. Some of it dribbled out of his mouth as he swallowed with difficulty, tipping his head back so he could collect the water at the back of his throat and try to swallow again. His face was red with shame as he put a hand over his mouth. He'd made a point of never eating in front of anyone, since he still had frequent spills. Ichigo tried to wipe his face, handed a napkin by the nurse as he looked at his knees in dejection.

When he settled back down, he found that Renji was watching him, mouth slightly open to aid his difficult respiration. When no one was looking, Ichigo got out of bed and pushed their beds closer together as quickly as he could. Renji's smiled and tried to say 'good plan,' but didn't make it through without beginning to cough. Ichigo frowned miserably, feeling bad when Renji tried to stop, body jolting as he suffered through the lesser evil of choking for a minute rather than reopening his stitches from coughing too hard. When he got back to some semblance of control, Renji didn't try to talk again, nor did Ichigo.

He gave Renji a sympathetic look as the bigger man lay there miserably. Poor guy. Renji hadn't moved in a long time, spending all his energy on his respiration, far too weak to even lift his arm or shift the position of his head against his pillow. Trying to sit up while he had this wound was out of the question, and rolling over would require him to tense up his gut, which wasn't an option. Ichigo winced, just listening to him. Renji's breath literally rattled, and periodically, he would cough up mucus that was a startling  _black._

His breath continued on sounding horrible over the next few hours, and Ichigo picked up a few terms used by the nurses, hearing that Renji's wound was infected a little bit and that he still might die from a fever or something else related to his exposure to the carbon monoxide.

Renji had been attempting to speak for Ichigo, having noticed that he'd gone quiet again now that they were with strangers. He still wasn't used to Ichigo's silence, but it was really starting to tell him that Ichigo hadn't spoken to a single person in three whole years, not even that Grimmjow guy. He never even opened his  _mouth_  in front of anyone. Maybe he'd gotten really shy of it, along with his refusal to embarrass himself by sounding like a fool. The nurses had probably figured out why Ichigo didn't talk, because they didn't ask, allowing Renji to talk for him. Of course, he couldn't do much, voice raspy and dry, barely above a whisper.

He was laying there so still in that bed, hardly able to move on his own, and Ichigo felt so bad for him. Renji hated to be pitiful and he hated hospitals, and Ichigo still remembered that after all this time. When Renji grew distressed that he had to get a shot, Ichigo stuck out an arm, taking a couple of his fingers.

Renji tried to get through it even though he was terrified of needles, putting on a brave face to try to impress Ichigo, who saw through it anyways. It was kind of embarrassing to be here like this, and Ichigo saw the burning shame in Renji's eyes every time he had to speak up and ask for help, because he couldn't get up to go to the bathroom on his own, and he needed help eating or even blowing his nose. So did Ichigo, who tried to refuse, but the nurse wouldn't let him get away with it, spoon-feeding him applesauce like a baby.

At first he felt so humiliated and degraded that he wanted to crawl in a hole for the next decade, but he knew it wasn't the nurse's fault that he had trouble eating neatly now, so he tried to get through it without screaming in frustration. She didn't laugh at him or even smile in amusement when he had trouble, which he was thankful for. When he finally ate after so long, Ichigo became ravenous, and didn't even care if he was a grown man. He ate the heck out of that apple-sauce, even if he kept practically choking because he couldn't swallow right.

They lay there in the early hours of the morning, watching soap operas on a crappy little TV at the foot of their beds, holding hands and being pitiful together. Earlier, they thought they'd heard Ikkaku talking in the other room, but they weren't exactly sure, just laying there dozing. Ichigo smiled and spoke in a soft whisper while the nurses were gone. "We ma'e ih'."

Renji was quiet for a while, before smiling with difficulty, in horrible pain. "Yeah… We made it," he whispered back, coughing a couple times. Ichigo was still pretty scared, since he could see what a toll this had taken on Renji. The guy had hardly moved all day, just laying there, struggling to breathe. He was at death's door.

"We're alive," Renji whispered, closing his eyes, fingers twitching in Ichigo's grip. Renji didn't even have the strength to lift his own arm back onto the mattress, and it was just limply hanging down, hand looped into Ichigo's.

"Come away with me," Renji begged with a self-deprecating smile, coughing a couple more times, giving a low moan as it jolted his sore abdomen. "I'll be the best boyfriend in the world, and you'll love me, I promise. I'll be good," he whispered. Ichigo smiled, sat up, and helped him take a sip of water, having to heave Renji into a sitting position, which nearly knocked him out it hurt so bad. Renji couldn't even hold his own head up, and curling his stomach up like that was so painful that it actually made him start crying, but he got through drinking the little cup of water.

He sniffled, letting Ichigo lay him back down and tuck him in. Ichigo kept getting tangled in their IV lines, so he stepped carefully and climbed back into his bed, turning the TV volume down. Renji spoke again, voice sounding a little better after taking a drink. "Gimme' one more chance?"

Ichigo smiled and then nodded. Renji looked to him with an expression that said 'really?'

"Yeah," he said in his own fucked up voice. Renji smiled, closing his eyes, falling asleep.

Ichigo closed his eyes too, holding Renji's hand again. Yes, he loved Renji. They would go away together and live the life they should have all along. The dark times would be over as soon as they could get out of here. That break was what they had needed to appreciate each other all that much more. Things were finally going right, for real this time. Just as long as any blue-haired loose ends didn't show up.


	4. Chapter 4

After they'd been in the hospital for two days, Ikkaku came in to see them. They'd thought that they had heard him earlier, and now that he explained that he'd been visiting Yumichika, they realized that they hadn't been mistaken at all.

Renji teased him about his little crush in a hoarse voice, and Ikkaku just turned red, holding back on punching an injured man. Ikkaku kept trying to speak and then cut himself off, as if he was trying to tell them something, but couldn't get it to come out right.

"I… Uh… I gave him wrong directions, and because of that he ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time and got hit by a truck… And I had this crazy bad dream where he was dead, and… and you guys didn't make it out of the fire," Ikkaku huffed, trying to make up a believable lie that would somehow tell them the truth. Ichigo listened silently, looking skeptical, but Renji said weakly that Ikkaku's bad luck had always been weird like that. Ichigo nodded, seeming satisfied with that when Renji simply accepted Ikkaku's words as the truth.

"So, uh… You guys still want to get out of here together?" Ikkaku asked. Renji looked back at him blankly in disturbed confusion, like Ikkaku had somehow read his thoughts. Shoot. Ikkaku inwardly cursed himself. He and Renji hadn't talked out the plan in this life. They'd agreed that they'd get away together when Renji had visited Yumichika's grave, so of course Renji wouldn't know what he was talking about. "I mean, you guys probably want to get out of all this dark shit that's been happening, right? Didn't you say it was something to do with the mafia? I  _told_  you Aizen was nuts."

Frick, frick,  _frick!_  No! Renji  _hadn't_  said it was something to do with the mafia, because that conversation had never happened. That had been something that Ikkaku had assumed on his own because of his other-worldly knowledge. Ikkaku's mouth snapped shut and he reflexively looked at his shoes. He could see that Ichigo had nodded about Aizen being crazy, but Ichigo probably assumed that Renji had maybe told Ikkaku that the mansion was the headquarters for that underground crime syndicate. Technically, he wasn't supposed to know that, but maybe it was believable that he had just guessed. Maybe they would just let his slip-up slide.

Renji didn't say anything for a minute, trying to clear his throat, looking solemn. After a rattly breath, he conceded that, okay, they did need to get out of here as soon as they could, and that leaving together was a good idea. They would be less vulnerable in a group.

Renji kept looking to Ichigo without moving his head, as if he were asking if it was okay for them to leave, or if Ichigo  _could_ leave at all. Ikkaku remembered that Ichigo had been working at that house and might've been involved with some of those dark dealings. What if someone came after Ichigo to keep him from giving out vital information? Ikkaku had assumed that their gang had broken up after that house fire, but you never know. Ichigo didn't say anything, and Renji turned his gaze away, coughing a little and saying again that they should leave soon.

Ikkaku didn't ask why Ichigo wasn't talking, knowing that he wasn't supposed to know because he hadn't actually talked to Renji since he got here. Still, it was bugging him, because he didn't actually know for sure what had happened. He just knew that Ichigo was mute for now an that it had something to do with the Espada, so he let Ichigo write his replies down rather than opting for Renji to talk for him. Renji's voice sounded like a radiator.

Mostly, they were waiting on Renji to heal, because he couldn't stand or sit up by himself without putting pressure on his wound. If they would release him from the ward, he'd be put on strict bedrest, which wasn't really possible if they were in the car. Renji had a pick-up truck, if Ikkaku remembered correctly, so there would be no way for him to lay down, because there was no back seat. Even if it would be a health risk, they still needed to get out of here as quick as they could, right?

 _Maybe_  they could last another week and see how Renji was doing. It wouldn't be a good idea to move him so soon - the guy had been  _shot_ , for God's sake - but what choice did they have? Their new plan was to go as soon as Renji could leave, drive to the nearest city, get a hotel room to let Renji rest over night, and then they would drive for another day, by which time they would be closer to Ichigo's dad's place. Then they would get another hotel and then take Renji to a nicer hospital where he could be seen by a few different doctors who knew what they were doing. While they were there, they'd see what they could do about Ichigo's predicament too. No offense to this small clinic, but they were grossly short-staffed.

Ichigo was discharged, but he didn't really leave, just camping out by Renji's bed, sitting in a chair and taking his pain pills periodically. Sometimes they'd hook him up to an oxygen mask if his coughing got too bad, but he was free to leave whenever he wanted. Renji had long since grown completely paranoid that Ichigo wasn't safe to stay here. He was afraid that some mystery man would come looking for him, or that Aizen's thugs would take him back. After listening to Renji talk about  _him_ coming back for hours, Ikkaku finally asked, and was told that this was the man who had shot Renji and that he might come back to collect Ichigo. A grim prospect, indeed.

Yumichika was coincidentally given leave the day that Renji was, and while Renji was being wheeled around town by Ichigo, getting his prescription filled down at the little pharmacy, Ikkaku was visiting with Yumichika, who was walking around on wobbly legs, getting his clothes together.

Ikkaku grinned and wished Yumichika the best of luck, and then he could see it dawn on Yumichika's face that he'd expected him to stay. When Renji and Ichigo came back to get Ikkaku, he watched confusion flicker into Yumichika's expression.

"Wait, where…" Yumichika frowned, looking hurt, although Ikkaku didn't know why. It wasn't as if they had created the strong bond that they had when Yumichika was a ghost. It hurt to have lost his friendship, but Ikkaku knew he had to get away before his bad luck affected Yumichika in some other way. Yumichika had the chance to live out all those wonderful opportunities he'd had, and Ikkaku wouldn't risk that a second time. Lesson learned. He wouldn't trust the volatile mood swings of his luck ever again. He was backing the fuck off.

"You have to live your life," Ikkaku said calmly, looking back into Yumichika's eyes, which were pleading with him, but for what? He turned to go, seeing Ichigo helping Renji get out of his wheelchair. It seemed that Renji could walk, but it was really slow and horribly painful for him. Renji's breathing got noticeably louder as Ichigo helped him put an arm around his thin shoulders, helping support his weight. Ikkaku knew that he should probably help too, and cut his farewell short.

"I… Goodbye, Yumichika," he whispered, heart filled with regret. Part of him wished that he had told Yumichika what had happened between them, even as some fairytale without using their names. He wanted Yumichika to  _know,_  he wanted to have even a glimmer of what had transpired between them before, but Yumichika was no longer a free man who had lost everything. Yumichika had everything to lose again, Ikkaku had nothing, and he wasn't going to be selfish and try to take that away.

"No," Yumichika said suddenly, stopping with what he was doing. Ikkaku halted, not turning around. "No, wait," Yumichika begged, coming around in front of him, trying to meet his eyes. He was so bashed up and beaten, bandages still on his face, but fear had seemed to give him strength, because Yumichika's hands were digging hard into Ikkaku's upper arms. Ikkaku took his hands away, staying firm even though he was dangerously close to caving in. Oh how he  _wanted_  to, but he would never forgive himself if he did. He wouldn't let Yumichika relive the pain he had caused. He had been given the chance to save Yumichika's life, and he wouldn't put it in danger again.

"Look, go," Ikkaku said, turning him around and pushing him towards Kaa, who was standing there with narrowed eyes, not angry, just observing. He pushed him towards Kaa, his fiance, who would be the perfect partner to Yumichika's happy future life. He wanted Yumichika to go. This is what he'd done everything for. This is what he'd wanted to protect and fix. He wanted Yumichika to go achieve his dreams and have the life that had been stolen from him before. Yumichika dug his heels into the ground, and Ikkaku had to push harder, an earnest tone entering his voice. "Live your life and be happy."

' _Please,_  be happy,' he begged in his mind. He'd seen how much it had killed Yumichika to have his dreams taken away, and he wanted Yumichika to have that. He wanted Yumichika to have everything he'd ever wanted, everything he'd lost. Ikkaku refused to muck things up for him, and he wouldn't allow Yumichika to muck them up either.

"No, no, I can't. My-" Yumichika stuttered, turning back towards him, looking into his eyes, which just about broke Ikkaku's heart, because Yumichika looked sadder than he had when he'd found out about Kaa's death. Ikkaku didn't know why Yumichika was acting this way, as if he were a relative or a lover that was leaving him. Kaa looked just as confused. Yumichika shouldn't be so upset to see him go. They were just passing acquaintances, that was all. Their paths had crossed only a few times, and they weren't meant to be together for the long run, even as friends.

"You can't go away from me… my grave," Yumichika whispered, softly enough that no one else heard, meeting his eyes. Suddenly, everything flip-flopped.

Ikkaku's heart stopped and his eyes narrowed all of a sudden. Yumichika… Oh that  _bastard_.

He shoved Yumichika hard, sending him flying back into Kaa's chest. " _You butt-chicken!_ " he shouted irrationally, ready to wring the idiot's neck for keeping quiet this whole time. Yumichika knew? He remembered their past life? Why the  _fuck_  hadn't he said anything?!

"Woah, dude, watch it," Kaa said, getting ticked now that Ikkaku was grabbing Yumichika's collar. He pulled Yumichika behind him and backed them up against the wall, standing in front of him. Yumichika clung to the back of Kaa's shirt, eyes peeking out from over his shoulder. Ikkaku kept trying to grab him, and Kaa got heated, chest swelling, even though he obviously wasn't the type who was brave enough to come to blows. "Hey,  _back off._ "

" _You!"_ Ikkaku shouted, pointing in Yumichika's face and those innocent eyes. Oh,  _fuck_  him, Ikkaku was so pissed off. "You bastard, why didn't you say anything?!"

"What are you talking about?" Renji rasped from the corner, causing Ikkaku to rein it in, knowing that he sounded like a psychopath for snapping over nothing.

"I thought you knew," Yumichika said calmly, and it all suddenly made sense why Yumichika cared, why he didn't want him to leave. Yumichika remembered all that time they'd spent together. Yumichika remembered when Ikkaku had been the only person in the world that he could talk to. He remembered being comforted when he had cried in his apartment. He remembered being lonely and finding solace in Ikkaku's company. Yumichika still loved him… if he ever had.

Yumichika remembered, but he had kept his mouth shut. What on fucking earth was wrong with that little shit? Did he get some sick kick out of manipulating people and causing them mental pain? Well that was just great. Ikkaku had fallen for a sicko.

"Ugh, fine, whatever," Ikkaku said, upset, because the fact that Yumichika remembered just made everything a thousand times more difficult. Begrudgingly, Ikkaku glared at Yumichika and ground out, "Well, I still have to get out of here with these guys."

He wondered if Yumichika would have never said anything if he hadn't tried to leave. He wondered if Yumichika had even realized that  _he_  remembered his past life. Maybe…

Ikkaku looked back.

The longing in Yumichika's eyes was unbearable, and suddenly Ikkaku's gaze fell on Kaa, who was looking at Yumichika thoughtfully. At that moment, Ikkaku saw more love in Kaa's eyes than he thought was possible, and the words that came out of his mouth were nothing short of stunningly selfless.

"You should go with them," Kaa said, as if he'd realized that this was insanely important to Yumichika, even if he didn't know why. Yumichika looked up at him in surprise. Kaa gave a little smile and went on. "You're feeling better now, right? Go ahead and go with them, but just promise you'll take it easy. I'll take care of everything here and then I'll meet you later, alright?" Yumichika seemed disbelieving but happy too.

Kaa embraced him gently, hand cupping the back of his head like Yumichika was the most precious thing in the world. Then he moved back and kissed Yumichika's lips. "I love you," he said sincerely, looking into his eyes. Suddenly Ikkaku felt like he didn't deserve Yumichika like this guy did. He felt like a homewrecker even though he'd only taken Yumichika away in their past life. No, he wouldn't do it again. Kaa had proved that he couldn't live without Yumichika, and Ikkaku wasn't such a jerk that he'd take him away again.

Yumichika wasn't his to begin with, and Ikkaku remembered that more than ever now.

Yumichika accepted the kiss, hollowly replying with, "I love you too." After a moment, his eyes met Kaa's again and he went soft, stroking Kaa's face like he was trying to reacquaint himself with it. Then he melted into his arms, hugging him back with a tenderness that made Ikkaku's eyes drop to the floor.

Yumichika's fingers knotted in Kaa's hair as he held him even tighter. "I missed you," Yumichika said in a wrenched voice that broke a couple times. Kaa held in him slight horror, rubbing his back, not understanding where these tears were coming from.

"Aw…" Kaa cleared his throat and whispered something in Yumichika's ear, trying to comfort him. Ikkaku noticed that Kaa was a guy who felt insanely awkward around anyone who was crying, but he was still trying admirably to make Yumichika feel better.

Yumichika was in love with Kaa and knowing that he had killed himself in his past life…. well, Yumichika hadn't been able to think about it because of the risk of turning into a fear demon. Ikkaku could understand that the relief must be colossal to have him back.

What he didn't understand was when they left the building together and he watched Yumichika wave to Kaa and blow him a kiss. Then, as the man left their line of sight, Yumichika's fingers slipped into his.


	5. Chapter 5

Ikkaku and Yumichika slept together that night, when they'd gotten out of that horrible town, driven for hours until they were far away, and had stopped at a cheap motel. It wasn't a heartless thing, and Yumichika hadn't been guiltless in the morning when he thought of Kaa and how horrible it was to betray someone who loved you. Of course, Ikkaku had no regrets, other than a lingering sick feeling that he had failed in trying to keep from re-tainting Yumichika with his horrible luck.

He didn't regret doing it, but he didn't like what the consequences were, and he felt bad all the same when he thought of Kaa. It all got ten times worse when Ichigo received a gruesome text message from a mystery number. It was dark in the photograph and the face wasn't exactly recognizable, but there was still the unmistakable shape of a severed head in a plastic bag. They recieved an automated phone message that was presumably from the killer, which was the equivalent of a letter made from cut-and-paste magazine words. Later, the evening news confirmed the chilling evidence.

Kaa had been found dead.

It was tragic, really it was. After Renji had split town with his lover, taking Ikkaku and Yumichika with them, they assumed that a certain jaded blue-haired man had ambushed Kaa and demanded that he tell him what he knew. Of course, Kaa had heard the destination that his fiancé and friends had headed towards, but he wouldn't talk, even when the remaining Espada- still involved with the crime lord who controlled his movements - threatened his life. Aizen wanted Kurosaki alive. Ichigo knew their secrets. He'd been in their mansion and helped in some of their crimes, and Aizen wanted to snub out any loose ends. Of course, Grimmjow didn't even need that incentive to track down his lover, did he?

According to the phone message, Kaa had only cracked under torture, spilling the secret, and his headless body was later found in a ditch. Yumichika went completely white when he saw the picture, and at that moment, nobody in the world could've told Ikkaku that karma didn't exist.

Yumichika had betrayed Kaa, and immediately, the universe had punished him. Kaa was dead and nothing would bring him back. Yumichika cried about it for days in the car as they drove further and further away, heading for a far distant state where they could see Ichigo's family and start over again.

Renji and Ichigo were quiet, which was rather jarring, because as far as Ikkaku could remember, the two had always had volatile arguments when anywhere near each other. Renji still had trouble breathing and for some reason Ichigo wouldn't talk at all, but Ikkaku didn't ask about it.

After about a week on the run, they'd finally made it into town, and after checking into a hotel, they drove Renji straight to the hospital. His wound was infected or something and his skin was this horrible grey color, going paler every time they drove over a bump.

The guilt was eating Yumichika alive, but Ikkaku saw that he wasn't taking off his not-quite-a-wedding ring. Even though Yumichika would still kiss him, his skin was a pale limp color and his eyes were dull. Ikkaku felt bad about Kaa's death. He was a nice guy, really he was, and Ikkaku would've been happy to go to their wedding, even if it would've been painful.

It surprised him, but there wasn't some jealous piece of his heart that was selfishly happy Kaa was dead. If he could change things, he would've made Kaa run away with them. He would've tried to save the poor guy somehow, because some part of him really respected him and how he'd let Yumichika leave like that. Kaa hadn't deserved to die.

It was his fucking bad luck again. He'd thought he had it under control when he'd vowed not to fuck up Yumichika's life again, but it had just  _happened._  They'd fallen into each other's arms and had betrayed Kaa's trust. Kaa had done something really selfless when he'd just let Yumichika up and leave like that. He'd put so much faith in them, and they'd taken that for granted. Ikkaku had gotten close to Yumichika again, unable to resist the temptation, and now Yumichika's lover was dead. He couldn't help but feel like it was his fault.

Ikkaku tried to accept the fact that he hadn't been able to fix everything. He had stopped Yumichika from dying, but that had consequences. Renji and Ichigo had made it out of that fire, but that had consequences too. Life didn't turn out all rosy, even with all four of them alive. Ichigo was going to have to go through one hell of a surgery and recovery process, if what Renji had explained was true. Renji was going to have lingering health problems for a long time, and Yumichika would be emotionally scarred forever. Ikkaku didn't know what the fuck to do.

He'd fixed everything that he'd wanted to. His friends were alive, his love got another shot at life, but... Why?... Why wasn't he happy? He almost wished that he'd gone on letting Yumichika haunt him, slowly going insane by only socializing with a ghost, forgetting about real people and the real world. Would that have been so bad?

Yumichika looked up to him grimly, holding his hand. "Do you think he would've been upset with me?" he asked, referring to the fact that he was in love with Ikkaku, still having the feelings that he'd gathered for him when he'd been haunting him as a ghost.

"I dunno'. He was a nice guy. It takes a big man to do something like that… and we took advantage of that," Ikkaku said with a sigh. Yumichika looked ready to throw himself in front of a train.

"I guess we're all terrible people," Yumichika said quietly. "I hope his ashes get here soon."

"Me too, buddy."

Renji spoke up from the front seat, where he was clinging to the chair arm and clutching his gut. Ichigo was driving silently, glancing to Renji every couple seconds to make sure he hadn't passed out from the pain. "He put a lot of trust in you to just let you go like that with no explanation, and he wouldn't have liked to know that you got with Ikkaku when his body's still barely cold, but... he would've wanted you to be happy."

Yumichika stared straight ahead, biting his lip, breaking down in tears. "But I'm  _not_  happy. I can never apologize, now."

"Sure you can," Ikkaku said, resolutely looking out the window as they pulled up in front of the doors of a huge hospital. Ichigo put them in park and got out, coming around the side of the car to open Renji's door and help him get out. Ikkaku offered to stay behind with Yumichika and take the car to the parking garage while Ichigo took Renji inside, but before they could do anything, Ichigo stiffened up when he heard a voice behind them.

"Yo."

Ichigo didn't dare turn around, even when he heard a sharp breath from Renji, who started trying to drag him into the cab to take him out of harm's way. He seemed terrified that Grimmjow was going to grab Ichigo by his skinny arms and drag him off while Renji couldn't protect him. Ikkaku stood there in shock, not recognizing the man at all, but he saw Yumichika's knees wobble dangerously, as if he was about to crash down to the pavement.

Ichigo turned and stared at Grimmjow, almost seeming fearful, but after a moment, rage took him over and he glared at his captor/lover, trying to puff up his thin body to try to keep Renji safe. Before he could do anything else, Yumichika gave a rageful scream and lunged for the blue-headed maniac, deadset on putting him in a coma for what he'd done.

Ikkaku gasped, not quick enough to stop either of them. Grimmjow just grinned and swiftly backhanded Yumichika in the face, hard enough that it cracked his neck and sent him sprawling onto his butt. He sat there stunned on the cement, cheek tingling, and as soon as he got a hold of his sense, he started cursing Grimmjow's name to the sun and back, crawling towards him. Ikkaku gave a low growl, cracking his knuckles and advancing on the newcomer. He didn't know who he was or why Yumichika had gotten so furious when he'd seen him, but he didn't fucking care. He was going to make him pay for that. Yumichika's face was  _bleeding_.

Before he could advance further, Ichigo put a hand on his chest and stepped in between them. Grimmjow just crossed his arms and waited, for what, he had no idea. Ichigo took a breath and raised a hand, just pointing at Grimmjow, who just stood there watching him.

Grimmjow. It set Ichigo's heart ablaze to see him again. He thought he'd never have to confront him again, but here he was, and Grimmjow's face was just driving him crazy. He saw no guilt, no remorse whatsoever. He'd shot Renji. He'd left Ichigo in a house to burn to death, he'd just slapped Yumichika's face, and he'd  _shot_  Renji. He'd spent years in bed at night with him and he'd been there to comfort him when he missed his old life. He'd made Ichigo fall in love with him and then he'd gone and tried to kill him. He'd killed Yumichika's fiance in cold blood. He'd done countless horrible things in the service of a man who had made their lives hell. He was a bad person, but still Ichigo didn't want to let go of the good side he'd seen of the man.

He looked to Renji desperately, knowing that his expression was starting to break. He looked back to Grimmjow, gesturing to Renji as if to say ' _look what you did.'_  His face scrunched up and he pointed to Renji again, whose breathing was loud and pained as he clutched his stomach where he'd been shot. Ichigo looked to Grimmjow, eyebrows slamming together in pain and despair as if he were begging Grimmjow to do  _something_ , to show some sort of emotion that could possibly explain or make up for what he'd done. He looked to him pleadingly as if he knew that a good piece of him was still in there, and why on earth did he have to lock it away where no one else could see? Still, Grimmjow was just standing there watching him as Ichigo took a few shaky steps towards him.

He  _knew_  there was a good person in there somewhere, so why did Grimmjow always have to go and ruin it like this? Why did he act so insane all the time? Why couldn't he just... Ugh, it was so frustrating.

Oh, Ichigo was so mad, he was so mad that he wanted to claw Grimmjow's eyes out, but at the same time, he couldn't hold in the sudden bubbling of tender emotions. Did Grimmjow know just how much pain he'd caused him? He'd sacrificed his life for Renji. He'd made an oath of servitude to Aizen and had become Grimmjow's bedslave just to save Renji's life. He'd suffered for three years and had come to have feelings for Grimmjow, and then Grimmjow had tried to kill Renji and erase all of that. He had made Ichigo look like a fool. He'd made all of Ichigo's efforts mean  _nothing._  Did he know that? Didn't he  _care?_

He lifted his hand again, now only a few feet away from Grimmjow. Renji and Ikkaku didn't know what to make of this. It was almost as if the two were having a conversation with their expressions rather than words.

Ichigo reached out and grabbed the front of Grimmjow's shirt, eyes bloodshot and filled with rage. After digging deep to try to keep himself under control, Ichigo eventually forced out one word. "Why?"

That finally seemed to draw out some emotion from Grimmjow who in all of those years, had never heard Ichigo speak. He had heard him moan in pleasure and cry at night, but Ichigo had never said a single word to him since the day his tongue had been cut out.

Ichigo gave a frustrated growl when he didn't answer. " _Why_?"

Grimmjow's face went soft as Ichigo's knees buckled. He put his arms around him, which didn't really help, because Ichigo punched him and shoved him back, putting his face in his hands and almost dropping to his knees from the effort of trying to keep himself from screaming in front of everyone.

Grimmjow grabbed him under the armpit and walked him over to the truck, where Renji was still sitting quietly. "Sorry, buddy," Grimmjow said with a weary grin, pecking Ichigo's hair. Ichigo screamed at him, and kicked him right in the junk.

Grimmjow grit his teeth and grabbed the side of the car, but he didn't make a sound, just reaching out and ruffling Renji's hair a little. Renji stiffened up, still holding his stomach. Ikkaku was squatting next to Yumichika on the pavement, where he was still sitting in shock, touching his bloody stitches cautiously. If looks could kill, Yumichika would have set Grimmjow's head on fire.

"Ya' okay, little guy?" he asked without turning to Yumichika, who growled lowly at him, looking at his bloody fingers.

Grimmjow grinned morosely, looking to Renji. Ichigo was now trying to worm in between them, pushing Grimmjow back and trying to get Renji to move over to the far seat so that he didn't have to be close to his near-killer. Grimmjow grimaced, but honestly called to Renji, "I'm glad you made it."

"Oh fuck you," Renji rasped. Grimmjow burst out laughing, finally getting down to business.

"Anyways, Aizen finally ate it, so I'm here to do you a favor." He looked to Ichigo and nudged him a little. "Let's fix yer' mouth. I'll pay."

Ichigo's eyes widened and his mouth opened, but as the moment passed he growled again and his face scrunched up in rage. He grabbed the front of Grimmjow's shirt in both hands, ready to sock him in the jaw. All Renji could feel coming from Ichigo was ' _how dare you'_ , but what he couldn't believe was when he saw Ichigo start shaking.

He had no idea what a statement like that would do to Ichigo. He had no idea of what Ichigo was feeling and he knew that he could never hope to understand. Still, when Renji watched things unfold, he had to wonder just what had been the final blow that had knocked down the castle of Ichigo's pride.

He couldn't see Ichigo's face from that angle, but he could see Grimmjow looking in his eyes. His ears could've been deceiving him, but after a second, he heard this strangled weak noise and Ichigo flopped onto Grimmjow's chest and whimpered, starting to cry. Grimmjow stiffened up and closed his eyes, and Ichigo just hammered away at his chest, dropping to his knees, hands clamped over his face.

Renji's mouth opened in alarm as he watched Ichigo put his forehead on the ground and start hitting the pavement with his fists like a child throwing a tantrum. He was  _bawling._  Renji felt like he'd been kicked between the legs. Had it really been so horrible for Ichigo to live like this?

Ichigo had explained to him before what it was like when it had happened. He said that he had never hurt so badly in his entire life. He said that he'd never felt  _pain_  like that when they had strapped him down and pried his jaws open. His mouth had been so full of blood and it hurt so bad that he thought he would die. From then on, he'd been consumed by the frustration he felt as he realized he couldn't talk to anyone in the world without sacrificing his dignity. He couldn't eat and slowly began wasting away, he could hardly swallow, and he had no hope of pleasing a lover or kissing them in any way that wasn't superficial. Ichigo had truly suffered. He'd resigned himself to living like that for the rest of his life, and to hear that Grimmjow, the man who'd had a hand in his condition in the first place, was going to take all that away... it infuriated him surely, but the relief and hope was probably equal.

Grimmjow gave an awkward guilty sigh and just hefted Ichigo up and threw him over his shoulder. "C'mon, let's go, Red." In a minute or two, an employee came out with a wheelchair, having been asked by Grimmjow to help Renji inside.

Yumichika, still sitting by the curb, was muttering to himself and creatively plotting Grimmjow's death. Ikkaku sat next to him, an arm around his shoulders, holding him gently and letting him put his face in the crook of his neck. He knew that it hurt Yumichika to be near him right now so soon after Kaa's death, but the poor guy needed some comfort.

"He killed him," Yumichika said quietly, fists clenching. "He just..."

"We don't know it was him," Ikkaku said calmly.

"Even if he didn't do it," Yumichika ground out through gritted teeth, eyes squeezing shut, "he was a part of it. He let them do it. He  _knew_. I'll never forgive him."

"Don't do anything rash. You know, when we're guilty, we like to shift the blame, right? We were jerks too," Ikkaku mumbled, patting his back. Yumichika sighed.

"Yeah, I guess... I just... I... I have love for you, but... when I was dead, I... I missed Kaa so much, I can't-" Yumichika's voice cut off, wrenched with emotion. "And then I got him back in some miracle and had another chance at life because of you, and I just  _wasted_  it. I  _betrayed_  him. He's barely cold in his grave and I slept with another man."

"Well, you didn't know that at the time-"

"That doesn't make it any better!" Yumichika yelped, sighing swiftly and putting his face in his hands, letting Ikkaku hold him. "Oh, Ikkaku. I feel that I can never forgive myself. Even if that  _dog_  wasn't the one to kill him, I... look what  _I've_  done... Maybe I should forgive him."

"No," Ikkaku growled. "That's not what I was getting at. I'm... Ugh, he  _hit_  you."

"I was going to kill him had he given me the chance. And he apologized. Sort of." Yumichika shrugged, wrath leaving him as quickly as it had come. Holding a grudge wouldn't bring Kaa back, and Grimmjow probably hadn't been the one to kill him, anyways.

"He hit your  _face,"_  Ikkaku snapped angrily, stubborn as a mule.

Yumichika gave a weak laugh and got up, wiping his eyes and pulling his homicidal boyfriend to the car so they could go park it and have a long talk in the parking garage.

"I hope his ashes get here soon."

"I know... Me too," he repeated.

* * *

When Ichigo awoke, his head hurt like it never had before, and immediately he made a involuntary noise of pain. It felt like cotton was in his mouth, and when he sat up and opened his eyes, he realized cotton  _was_  his mouth.

But that wasn't the only thing.

Of their own accord, his hands came up to his face and felt around inside his mouth. Something moved around in there, and he gasped as the sides of his mouth were tickled by a sensation that was already becoming familiar again even after so long.

His hands dropped to the bed and he stared at the far wall, a crazy sort of laugh bubbling up in his throat. It was over. His fondest wishes had come true.

Immediately, he looked to his sides, hoping to see Renji there so that he could share his excitement. On his right, in a plastic chair with a 'killer' sudoku book splayed over his head, was Grimmjow, snoozing away. Ichigo's heart sank, but still, he nudged Grimmjow's leg, waking him up.

Grimmjow reflexively swung his arm, but Ichigo caught his fist before it connected, and by then Grimmjow was sitting up and wiping his face, giving that white-toothed grin that Ichigo had grown to love. This time the sight made Ichigo feel sick. Had Grimmjow smiled like that when that bullet had ripped through Renji's back? Had he laughed? Had it felt good?

"Oh, you're awake. That's good. How do you feel?" Grimmjow asked, as if he expected Ichigo to answer like any normal person, never mind the fact that he'd grown painfully shy of even trying over those three years.

Ichigo's mouth closed firmly as his brow pinched. Now that the initial joy of his successful operation had worn off, he was back to his routine of tightly controlling his emotions and speech. He just... he didn't feel comfortable to speak to anyone but Renji. Renji would never tease him. Renji understood his sacrifice and admired his bravery. Renji didn't see weakness.

Grimmjow on the other hand, Grimmjow had seen nothing  _but_  weakness. Renji had known him before when he had borne through the hardships of a tough city and a tough relationship. The day he and Grimmjow had met, he had been desperate and pleading. He had been a slave, servile and biddable. Grimmjow... No, this was one thing that Ichigo didn't want to give him, so he zipped his lips.

Now that he had looked, he could see that Renji was sitting on his other side, wearing sweatpants and a big sweater since it was basically the only thing he could get dressed in on his own. Renji was quiet and reached out to hold his hand now that Ichigo was awake, and he was glaring coldly but calmly at Grimmjow as if to say that he was grateful that he had helped Ichigo in his time of need but that he would still never forgive him for everything else. Ichigo did the same after a minute, turning back to the blue-haired menace with an identical stink eye.

"Aw, don't gimme' that look. Try an' say something, toots." Of course, Grimmjow was completely shameless and incapable of being intimidated.

Ichigo took an involuntary breath, as if he had been considering trying, but then his face flushed red and he changed his mind, closing his mouth again. His tongue felt too big in his mouth, and it was numb; he didn't have to be a genius to realize that he wouldn't sound normal for months. Renji didn't say anything, even though he knew that Ichigo would likely be unable to say hardly anything for a good long while, especially if he only felt comfortable enough to practice in private.

A nurse soon came in to give Ichigo another dose of immunosupressants, checking on his tongue and wrapping it with a piece of cottony gauze again, which Ichigo removed the moment she left the room. Renji had obtained a pocket-mirror from Yumichika, and handed it to Ichigo, who hesitantly opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue to examine it.

Of course, it wasn't  _his_  tongue, but there was no visible line where the remains of his own tongue ended and the new one began. When he'd had his cut out, they'd done so at the very back of his throat, and the stitches weren't visible from what he could see. Satisfied that he didn't have some creepy-frankenstein-monster tongue that was a mismash of different pieces of flesh, he closed his mouth again, bringing his fingers to his lips to make sure that his tongue was inside. He couldn't quite be sure, because his cheeks and lower lip were just beginning to tingle as the Novacain slowly faded.

Grimmjow egged him on again, apparently unwilling to let this go. "Say something. Freaking say my  _name._ What, you're not even gonna'  _try?_ "

Ichigo scowled, looking down at his lap. Now that he'd almost gotten used to the numb spacey feeling in his too-full mouth, he was slowly exploring, surprised when he could clearly feel his teeth against the skin of his new tongue. He couldn't move it around with precision when he consciously tried to, but he found that if he didn't pay close attention, it would start moving or trying to worm its way out of his mouth. It didn't feel like it was meant to fit inside the right way, but Ichigo knew that was just his imagination. Swallowing was extremely difficult, and it had scared him the first time he'd tried, because it felt like he was going to suck his tongue down his throat on accident or something. It almost felt like he had a sucker in his mouth that didn't belong there. He couldn't taste a thing, but that was the least of his priorities. Conscious movement there was extremely taxing. Maybe that area of his brain had atrophied in the absence.

"What's wrong, are ya' shy?" Grimmjow asked with a condescending raise of his eyebrow. "Psh, coward." Ichigo growled lowly, making to get out of bed, but Renji practically leaped out of his chair, leaning over the bed and pointing a finger in Grimmjow's face.

" _Fuck you!"_  Renji shouted on Ichigo's behalf, seeing how much that had bothered Ichigo to be called a coward. He was  _anything_ but a coward. He'd given up his  _life_  in place of someone else's and had borne with it for three whole years. Ichigo had guts, and Grimmjow wasn't allowed to just take advantage of that weakness of Ichigo's pride. Never mind that Renji had done so before as well.

Grimmjow just gave a false unconcerned laugh, and eventually Renji sat down. Ichigo crossed his arms, upset that Grimmjow's little challenge had gotten to him. After making a soft noise in the back of his throat to test that his voice wouldn't crack when he finally used it after so long, he hummed a little, making a mumbling noise. Then he tentatively started trying to say the letters of the alphabet, the motions still familiar even though he hadn't been able to make them in three years.

"Ay, bee, thee, dzee," Ichigo stopped, cheeks pink, half raising his hands as if he wanted to cover his face. Renji's expression hadn't wavered in the slightest as he listened, and Grimmjow seemed to be basking in hearing Ichigo's voice outside of the bedroom. Hesitantly, uncomfortable with being observed, Ichigo kept going, "Eee, eff, chee, atch- RRh!"

Ichigo pounded his fists down on the mattress, hearing perfectly well that he was getting it wrong. Renji told him to keep going and that it was okay. Ichigo's lower lip stuck out, but he tried again, "Eighth..." Ichigo sighed, shaking his head and skipping that one. "Eye, they, gay-"

" _Pfft!"_  Grimmjow practically spat as he started laughing. Ichigo punched him right in the face and then pulled his blankets over his head, making a miserable noise. After that, Ichigo refused to talk, only practicing that night when he was sure they were both asleep and couldn't hear him.

It was hardest to make the sounds that came from the back of the throat, like 'K' and 'G' sounds. 'T' and 'D' sounded the same when he said them, and 'S' sounded like 'Th'. He stayed up for hours just whispering and reading a book, trying to get out some basic ones like 'yes' and 'no.' He couldn't quite get the 'N' sound, always messing up and getting 'L'. Eventually he substituted it with 'M'.

When he was finally sure that he'd gotten it right, in the morning he tried to say Renji's name, butchering it horribly. That really frustrated him because he  _knew_  he had said it perfectly earlier. It seemed like he had performance anxiety or something, and that his speech abilities devolved the more stressed out he got or whether he had an audience. Grimmjow said something sweet about not caring if he sounded retarded because he loved his pretty voice. Renji just encouraged Ichigo to keep trying and not give up so soon. It had only been his first two days, after all.

To Ichigo's dismay, eating was even more difficult than before since he hadn't gotten proper control of his new muscle yet, and after two bites of cranberry oatmeal, he set his spoon down and wished that God would strike him dead with a lightning bolt. He didn't eat all day, until the two of them practically forced him, and then he made them cover their eyes so he would feel less self-conscious.

Ikkaku came to visit every once in a while, and Ichigo's recovery was almost over by the time Yumichika finally came in with him. The dark-haired man still refused to be in the same room with Grimmjow even though he'd recanted his oath to murder him. Ikkaku didn't like him either, but he didn't get violent, at least.

Since Ichigo refused to talk ever since his slip-up - even though he knew that the only person he was hurting by not practicing was himself - Grimmjow and Renji had to do most of the talking, even though they were unwilling to leave him out of the conversation. Yumichika had kindly bought a mini white-board and some dry erase markers and gave them to Ichigo when Grimmjow had been out of the room taking a phone call.

Ever since then, Ichigo was taking full advantage of the return of his ability to insult the absolute fuck out of people when they messed with him.

"So, what are you planning on doing now that your insane-o boss is gone?" Renji asked curiously, seeming to have less of a grudge over Grimmjow shooting him than Ichigo did.

"He's not gone, he's  _dead,_ " Grimmjow said seriously.

"Oh, sorry," Renji said, kind of cowed, but Grimmjow rolled his eyes with a grin.

"I know right, isn't it great? I'm finally free of that tight-ass loser." Grimmjow fisted the air, grinning like crazy, which drew a little smile from Ichigo, who wrote down on his board that Grimmjow had always hated Aizen's little 'teaparties'. "Oh, you have no idea, Ichigo. At least you  _like_  tea."

' _It's not like drinking it is easy though.'_

"It'd be easier if you'd just practice." Ichigo glared and hit Grimmjow in the forehead with his little board-eraser. Renji reached out and touched Ichigo's face, making a discreet noise that Grimmjow wouldn't notice while he was grabbing the eraser from across the room. Every once in a while, Ichigo would relax the death-clamp he'd set on his jaws, and his tongue would stick out of his mouth a little without him realizing. Ichigo immediately noticed his mistake and clapped a hand over his lips in embarrassment.

To try to take the pressure off of Ichigo, Renji looked up to Grimmjow before the guy could catch what had happened. "Are you gonna' answer me, or..." Renji trailed off, clearing his throat and taking a sip of water. Grimmjow looked up in confusion.

"Oh. What was the question?"

"What are you gonna' do now?"

"Eh'. Probably-" Ichigo snickered and held up his white-board.

' _Anything but become an honest man.'_  Renji bit his lip to try not to laugh. Grimmjow just rolled his eyes and shrugged, because Ichigo was likely right.

"I could become a demolitions expert... Which is basically the same thing that I used to do, except legal. I dunno', I like destroying shit? I mean... I've already got money to spare, so... I have a lotta' free time and a cute boyfriend to spoil." Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

Renji narrowed his eyes dangerously. "We're  _so_  not having a threesome." Ichigo went red in the face, sputtering a little. Grimmjow looked confused. "You don't think we're gonna' share him or something, right?"

"Well, it's not like he doesn't have feelings for both of us."

"That doesn't mean that he'd ever forgive you for what you pulled," Renji said flatly, unimpressed, crossing his arms.

"Aw c'mon, what did I pull?!"

"The  _trigger!_ "

"Dude, that was totally stupid."

"I thought it was clever."

"Thud up," Ichigo mumbled when they wouldn't listen to his white-board message that they stop talking. Of course, when he verbally attempted to get their attention, it stopped them both dead in their tracks. Renji gave a proud grin that Ichigo had finally been brave enough to risk getting made fun of. Grimmjow made a tiny squeaking noise, putting his hands on his cheeks, face arranged in a grotesque mask of horror.

"Ai! Don't be so cute or I'll have to rip it back out!"

"Mo, ge' away, you're grathy!"

Renji just gave a long low groan, closing his eyes and slouching in his chair. "Did anyone ever figure out the cause of the fire?" he asked morosely, voice still grainy and thin.

"Eh', I dunno'. Arson or an accident. Aizen probably wanted ta' take us all with him." Ichigo grimly nodded. Renji hummed, because it just didn't fit for him.

"I... I think it was that girl."

"What  _girl?_ " Grimmjow asked in a scoff, as if it was impossible that he should've missed that a pretty lady was involved in torching their house, because he would've tipped his hat to her and congratulated her destructive capabilities.

"Yeah, what girl?" Ikkaku asked, having entered the room a moment ago. Ichigo looked like he understood who Renji was talking about, but he didn't move to say or write anything, simply bowing his head in a moment of silence. Rangiku had come to be a close friend of his, and she had surely perished along with her dead lover.

"What's-his-name's wife or his girlfriend or... I mean, c'mon, the  _maid,_ " Renji said, not remembering her name. "When I was stumbling around and bleeding I came back to that room where Aizen killed his business partner, and she was in there with his body, and..." Renji shook his head. "I think it was her."

Grimmjow gave him a skeptical look and then narrowed his eyes. "Huh... She burned the house to ashes to avenge Ichimaru's death... but who would ever be in love with  _him?_  He's so...  _slimy._ "

"To each their own."

"I guess so."

"I hope they grow some flowers where that horrible house used to be."

Ichigo nodded in agreement.


End file.
